Letter to the Married Me

It's important to set expectations for yourself in relationships, so you can have something to measure up to when the fire starts burning out.

Me and my wife Shannell recently celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. It was quite a year filled with many ups and downs. Through it all, I can't forget the reason I fell in love with her in the first place. I wrote this letter to myself a day after we started dating each other. I wrote it to remind myself of our early love and the expectations that I wanted in our future marriage.

April 10, 2017

Dear Married Me,

At the moment I am not married. In fact I've only been in a relationship for about 12 hours. What do I know about marriage? Well...not much. But I do know a lot about the girl that I want to marry. Wait, you want to marry her after only being in a relationship with her for 12 hours? Why yes I do! And because I already know I want to marry her, I want you to remember what brought you to that point. It wasn't her looks; oh but she does look good. It wasn't the way she smelled; oh but she does smell good. It wasn't the sex—we waited til marriage until we did that. It wasn't the kissing; we did that for the first time at our wedding. You can't even say it was the dates we went on, because we didn't go on a lot of dates. Because of our distance, we only saw each other once every week or so. Well how exactly can y'all be a thing? How exactly can this relationship last? It's simple. Do the things you did when you first came to loving each other. You waited until marriage to have sex, and I know that the sex is amazing, but don't let that be the only thing you do with your wife now. You treated her like a queen back then, continue to treat her like a queen now. Sex is important, but it's not everything. Your wife isn't an object. She's a daughter of God. 

SmartShot Photography

What made your relationship so strong back then was the fact that Jesus was the center of it, and also your communication with each other. Don't ever stop communicating with your wife. You boldly talked about your problems with her back then and told her everything that was happening in your life, so keep doing it now. You asked about her life and encouraged her back then, so keep doing it now. Don't ever stop caring. Don't ever get in a mundane relationship. After God this is the most important part of your life, so treat each moment with her as if it was going to be the last time you ever saw her. Put in that same effort that you put in when you first fell in love with her. Take her out on dates. Shower her with flowers. Write love letters and songs to her. Take her shopping and tell her she can get whatever she wants. Take vacations with her. Help her cook dinner. If she cooks, clean up after her. Don't let her do all the chores. And don't do these things just to say you did them, do them in love. Don't argue with her. There will be disagreements, but please don't argue. Don't yell at her. Remember the clown in you. She likes to laugh so keep making her laugh. Always put a smile on her face, even in seasons of mourning. Above all else, make sure that Jesus remains at the center. Don't stay where you’re at either. Strive to grow in each other. Keeping learning about each other, just like we keep learning and growing in Christ. Never stop loving her. Lift her up when she's​ down. Motivate her when she feels complacent. Don't worry about being right. Right doesn't matter, love matters. And don't you dare cheat on her! It isn't worth it. There's always gonna be someone that appears to have better looks and a nice body, but don't fall for the trap. You won't ever be happy or satisfied until you love what's in front of you—Love Yourz. Remember this letter. And if you have slipped up and forgot about doing these things, get up and get back in the game! Last thing I want you to do is lose your wife. She's so valuable.


Premarital Me

Evan Xavier
Always cheesing for absolutely no reason 😁

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